IRELAND: I LOST MY HEART TO A GALWAY GRILL

HORDE DAY'S NIGHT: A busy evening in Quay Street

IT was just before midday in Galway’s Eyre Square, and outside the Skeffington Arms an elderly English couple were enjoying a cuppa in the sunshine. At the next table a young fella in an Armagh GAA shirt who was still half-cut from the night before put down his pint of cider, nudged his pie-eyed pal and pointed to the husband and wife. “Imagine drinking tea at this time of the morning,” he slurred.

I don’t know where the two boyos had spent the previous evening — certainly not in their beds — but if there was an ounce of sense between them they’d have been in The Quays pub in Quay Street. Galway is party town, and The Quays is Party Central, a magnet for locals and visitors who appreciate the best in live bands. If you drop by when covers group Pyramid are playing, which is regularly, you’ll stay until closing time.

The Quays, at the heart of the vibrant Latin Quarter, isn’t the only music venue (check out the famed Roisin Dubh in Dominick Street), nor do you need a drink in your hand to be entertained, because the streets of Galway are the stage for Ireland’s best — and best-paid — buskers. If the piles of coins in their open guitar, banjo and didgeridoo cases are anything to go by, those medieval streets are paved with silver.

When it comes to traditional music, for which Galway is renowned, there simply aren’t enough hours in the diddly-aye day to sample the countless organised and spontaneous sessions that pack the pubs. The most popular places to spend an evening while the most talented musicians in the west of Ireland do their stuff are Tigh Coili (Mainguard Street/Shop Street), An Pucan (Forster Street), The Western Bar (Prospect Hill), Taaffe’s (Shop Street), The Spanish Arch Bar (Quay Street), The Crane (Sea Road) and Cookes Thatch Bar (Newcastle Road). Foreign visitors often ask how the publicans can afford to pay so many fiddlers, guitarists, flute and accordion players and singers, but the answer is simple — they provide the pints, the musicians provide the tunes.

HIGH NOTES: Buskers playing for shoppers

TAP CLASS: Dancing in the street

Don’t be surprised if an impromptu gig breaks out in the most unlikely of places. I was queueing for fish and chips outside Harry Fitz, opposite Taaffe’s, when three girls without instruments but with the voices of angels began singing the beautiful and haunting Isle of Inisfree (see www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xn7rjlOxfc to hear Orla Fallon’s version). Even the most boozed-up and boisterous members of that queue fell silent within seconds and passers-by gathered round to listen. The girls weren’t busking, they were simply doing what comes naturally in Galway, and that’s part of what makes the place so very special.

I didn’t get to enjoy my meal. Not that I wasn’t hungry — I was starving, as was my pal Aleks. But a pitiable little man standing nearby kept glancing at me every time I raised a chip or a piece of fish to my mouth. And then he came over. He wasn’t looking for money, which came as a surprise. You can’t walk 100 metres in Dublin or go to a cash machine without being hit upon, either by some unfortunate homeless person or those pests in the vests who ambush pedestrians and shove a direct debit form under their noses. But the little man outside Harry Fitz was different. He pointed to my snack box and, in broken English and with a breaking voice, asked if he could have whatever I left. I handed him the box, along with my bottle of water and €20 (he got €10 from Aleks), and he burst into tears and plastered the back of my hand with kisses. I was so overcome I had to walk away, leaving the little man to wolf down the first food he’d eaten in two days. It was a sobering moment in a prosperous city where the social life revolves around drinking.

CLAN-TASTIC: Coats of arms of the 14 Galway Tribes

Galway is known as the City of the Tribes, but this has nothing to do with the stag and hen parties who flock there every weekend. Rather, it refers to the 14 Anglo-Norman merchant families — the Athys, Blakes, Bodkins, Brownes, D’Arcys, Deanes, Ffonts, Ffrenches, Joyces, Kirwans, Lynches, Martins, Morrises and Skerrets — who ran the place between the mid-13th and late 16th centuries and still retained some influence into the 19th century.

The 14 bamboozling roundabouts that surround the city bear the tribes’ names, but much as those long-gone movers and shakers are held in esteem by the locals, mystified motorists from elsewhere curse them. If Oliver Cromwell’s murderous marauders had encountered such formidable obstacles, they’d have called it a day and gone home. As it was, they invaded this once walled city on the banks of the River Corrib in 1652 and wreaked havoc. In 1691, following the Battle of the Boyne, King Billy and his boys finished the job, and it was nearly 300 years before Galway struggled back to its feet. Today, the city stands proud, and the only invaders are tourists who are welcomed with open arms rather than boiling oil.

Described by WB Yeats as the Venice of the west, probably because it’s more often wet than dry (yet glorious when the sun shines), Galway is famed for its festivals, including the Arts Festival (www.galwayartsfestival.com) which takes place every July (next year from the 16th to 29th). This is the daddy of them all, a two-week test of stamina for performers, exhibitors and the 80,000 Irish and international visitors who fill the streets, galleries, theatres, pubs and cash registers from mid-morning to midnight. The Macnas procession that brings the festival to a close and the packed city to a halt is a wonder to behold as the most marvellously crafted giant puppet figures accompanied by youth and community groups in fancy dress, colourful floats, stilt walkers, dancers, bands and drummers parade from the Spanish Arch to the Fisheries Field. Fifty thousand people lined the streets this year to watch this loud and colourful spectacle.

MANE ATTRACTION: Big race action at Ballybrit track

HAT A GIRL: Glamorous Ladies Day at Galway Races

The Arts Festival is immediately followed by the annual Galway Races at Ballybrit (www.galwayraces.com), which next year will be held from July 30 to August 5. The meeting, immortalised in song, was attended this year by 150,000 racing fans who gambled around €33 million, begging the question, what recession? It also begs the question of why I don’t just host an annual bonfire party and toss tenners into the flames instead of handing them over to sniggering bookie Paddy Power, whose children I’m putting through college.

The Continental Christmas Market in Eyre Square (www.galwaychristmasmarket.ie) is a treat. Held for the first time last year, it was such a phenomenal success — 600,000 visitors, with 130,000 saying they came especially to Galway to do their shopping — that it’s back, from November 25 to December 18. More than 70 traders from throughout Ireland and Europe will set out stalls laden with festive goodies as the irresistible aromas of gluhwein, churros and chocolate, pretzels, apple dumplings, paella and Polish sausages hang over the square. I went to the first market and spent most of my time wandering from one fast food outlet to the next, more interested in stomach-fillers than stocking-fillers. Thanks to the German guy who was selling the big fat sizzling frankfurters, I lost my heart to a Galway grill.

The annual International Oyster Festival (www.galwayoysterfest.com) at the end of September coincides with the harvest and is the longest-running weekend celebration of all things seafood in Ireland. Established in 1954, it has grown into what the AA Travel Guide described as “one of Europe’s seven best festivals, on a par with Munich’s Oktoberfest” and the Sunday Times called “one of the 12 Greatest Shows on Earth”. In 1960, festival-goers consumed 3,000 oysters. Last year, they swallowed 100,000. I’ve no idea what the organisers do with all those empties, but I do know that when crushed to grit they’re a valuable source of calcium that helps ensure hens lay eggs with strong shells. I guess they’d also make nice earrings.

SHELL-SHUCK: Oyster opening at the annual festival

When they’re not slurping live molluscs (don’t fret, they’ve no central nervous system) washed down with Guinness, visitors can watch nimble-fingered competitors vying to become the national and world oyster opening champions, have their picture taken with the Oyster Pearl — a young woman chosen as the face of the festival (if there was a male equivalent he’d be Mister Mussel) — and dine at restaurants participating in the Seafood Dinearound. For those who like to dress up for a glamorous night out, the black tie Gala Ball and banquet on the Saturday is the hottest ticket in town. Mind you, everyone who visits Galway has a ball.

The evening before we headed home to Dublin, the little man I gave my snack box to spotted Aleks and I standing outside The Quays and, after some more hand kissing and the blessings of every saint in heaven, offered to sell us his sister for the night, “special price for my friends”. In the space of 24 hours he’d gone from pitiable to pimp. I gave him a mouthful — and this time it wasn’t fish and chips.

STAY IN GALWAY

Look no further than the 4-star Radisson Blu Hotel & Spa (call 091 538300 or see www.radissonblu.ie/hotel-galway) if you value comfort, top-class service and all the facilities you’d expect from a respected worldwide chain yet at unexpectedly affordable prices. And, joy of joys, there’s free wifi in the rooms, which is something I always look for when choosing a hotel — if it charges for guests to go online, I go elsewhere.

The 282-room Radisson, which also offers adjacent serviced apartments, is tucked out of the way in a quiet location in Lough Atalia Road just three minutes’ walk from the train and bus stations, making it an ideal base from which to explore the city. That’s if you can drag yourself out of bed — they’re the most comfortable I’ve ever slept in. As for the breakfasts, you’d have to travel far and wide to find a more impressive, extensive selection of hot and cold dishes with which to start the day. Go up to the buffet more than twice and the only travelling you’ll be doing is back to your room for an early siesta.

BLU-MING LOVELY: Galway's fab Radisson Blu Hotel

One of the big attractions of the spacious and light-filled Marinas Restaurant, where those knockout breakfasts are served and which overlooks Lough Atalia, is the Scandinavian-style buffet option. Offering a wide selection of cold meats, smoked fish, salads, vegetables and freshly-baked breads, it’s a favourite with local people in the know who enjoy a less formal dining experience ahead of, say, a night at the theatre. The extensive a la carte menu is big on seafood, but the succulent rack of lamb and the char-grilled fillet of beef are fabulous too. Vegetarians are well catered for, and there’s a good selection of wheat-free and weight-watching dishes, too. The Atrium Lounge serves bar food from 3 to 10pm daily, and a resident pianist keeps guests entertained on Thursday through Saturday evenings. If you’re there in summer there’s the added bonus of enjoying a drink on the veranda and watching the sun go down on Galway Bay, as the song goes, while the tune tinkles in the background. It never fails to move visiting exiles and Irish-Americans to tears.

The very thought of even stepping inside a gym moves me to tears, but hardier — and healthier — guests will find all the exercise equipment they need to keep their hearts pumping in the hotel’s leisure centre. A lot less energetic, and therefore right up my street, is the Spirit One Spa (www.spiritonespa.com) with its wide range of facials and energising head to toe treatments for women and men. Equally enticing if you’re wheezy or have skin discomforts is the Salt Spa, where the watchwords are inhale, exhale, recover. Breathing constantly clean salt air is of proven benefit to those suffering from asthma, bronchitis, hay fever, eczema, psoriasis, sinusitis and allergies. It even helps to alleviate snoring, so lads, don’t be surprised to find an envelope containing a gift voucher under the Christmas tree.

EAT IN GALWAY

Visitors to Galway are spoiled for choice when it comes to fine restaurants, but Aniar (www.aniarrestaurant.ie) in Lower Dominick Street merits a special nod, not only for its exciting terroir-based cuisine but because it has the decency to offer more than 20 wines by the glass from its list of 40 from small artisan producers. The head chef is Enda McEvoy, who probably gets locked in a cupboard every night by husband and wife owners JP McMahon and Drigin Gaffey in case other restaurateurs try to lure him away. McEvoy, who recently spent an inspiring stint in Copenhagen at Nama, the San Pellegrino World’s No.1 Restaurant this year and last, wields not a wooden spoon but a magic wand. With a reputation like that, it’s no wonder it’s wise to make a reservation. McMahon and Gaffey also own the Cava Spanish Restaurant (www.cavarestaurant.ie) next door, and it’s no exaggeration to say it serves the best tapas on the island of Ireland.

Other restaurants of note are Da Tang Noodle House in Middle Street, The Malt House in Olde Malt Mall, High Street, Kirwan’s Lane Restaurant and Goya’s, both in Kirwan’s Lane, McDonagh’s in Quay Street and Ard Bia in Long Walk, Spanish Arch.

˜For further information on visiting Galway, see www.discoverireland.ie

Read More

CYPRUS: DISCOVER THE DELIGHTS OF DIVIDED ISLAND

ROCK OF AGES: Aphrodite's Rock, to left of the gap.
Picture courtesy of Chindos Constantinou

APHRODITE’S Rock off the coast of Paphos in southwest Cyprus is reputed to possess miraculous powers. One legend says that if you swim naked around it three times in an anti-clockwise direction at midnight you’ll enjoy lifelong fertility. Another take on the story promises eternal beauty. But my favourite tantalisingly suggests that for every three circuits you’ll become 10 years younger. Imagine all those elderly men on the beach yelling “Keep going, dear, keep going!” as their exhausted wives sink from sight.

There are few more spectacular sights in Cyprus than the sun sinking below the horizon as viewed from this magical spot, though testing the myth could result in eternal rest rather than eternal beauty as the currents around the rock can be treacherous.

No such fears in the pool at the 4-star Avanti Hotel in Paphos, where I recently chilled out for four nights and which is clearly doing something right — a couple from England have holidayed there 42 times in the past 18 years. What’s more, they always stay in the same room. I can well understand why they keep returning to this family-owned and family-friendly hotel, though the young lady at reception couldn’t understand when I tried to check out a day early — I got my dates wrong after a night out in the Shamrock Bar across the street.

The 243-room Avanti is a favourite with disabled holidaymakers. Ramps indoor and out ensure all public areas are easily accessible to wheelchair users, and three rooms are specially adapted to their needs. I’ve never stayed in a hotel where so much consideration is shown to guests with limited mobility.

DIP DIP HOORAY: Pool at the Avanti Hotel in Paphos

The Avanti ticks all the boxes as a sunshine wedding venue, too — 32 couples from the UK and Ireland have booked to tie the knot there next year. One pair of newlyweds who were married in the hotel grounds last summer inadvertently left their buttonhole and bouquet behind when they went home, but they’ll find them preserved and lacquered and placed on their pillows when they return next July to celebrate their first anniversary. A nice touch, and another reason why the Avanti gets so many repeat visitors.

Sunshine is guaranteed almost year-round in Cyprus, though a late-night torrential downpour accompanied by a spectacular lightning show and deafening thunder provided some relief from the scorching heat. One minute, I was sitting on the terrace of the Shamrock enjoying a beer. The next, I was scurrying inside as the soaked-to-the-skin staff battled to roll down the shutters while rain ricocheted off the street like bullets. The following morning, the mid-October weather was back to normal, with the thermometer showing 70F/21C at nine o’clock. Come 3pm, it was 82/28 — enough to roast the island’s famed waxy potatoes in the ground.

Contrary to popular belief, prices in once-expensive Cyprus are now cheap. A pint of the locally-brewed Keo lager costs an average €2.50, and if you smoke, a 20 pack of Marlboro Gold is €4.50. Dinner for two with a shared tuna salad, fried aubergines to start followed by kleftiko (herb-infused slow-cooked lamb) for me, grilled rabbit for my colleague and fresh pomegranates for dessert with two big beers and two Cokes cost €38. When we asked for a couple of eggs in the salad, the waiter stepped into the adjoining garden and lifted them from the hen coop. A little later, he picked the pomegranates from a tree overhanging the dining terrace.

That was in Restaurant Pirki, just down the street from the 5-star Grecian Park Hotel in Ayia Napa/Protaras where we stayed for three nights before heading west (the Cypriots drive on the left on great roads) along the coast to Paphos.

BAY-EAUTIFUL: Konnos Bay, below Grecian Park Hotel

The 239-room Grecian Park, in Cape Greco National Park, sits on a hill above Konnos Bay where a sandy beach, crystal clear water and an abundance of watersport facilities make it the perfect spot to sunbathe, swim or get towed on a giant inflatable banana behind a speedboat. An open-air cafe and bar with shady trees and a cooling sea breeze overlooking the bay provides shelter when it gets too hot on the beach, though it’s advisable to buy a bottle of water there before attempting the trek back up the steps to the hotel. If you stay in the Grecian Park and decide to spend an evening relaxing in the bar, do the staff a favour and buy rounds. A 14-strong party of respectable, middle-aged but miserly Londoners spent two hours drinking cocktails and then asked for individual bills. The waiter wasn’t impressed — it was a busy night — but he displayed remarkable reserve while he processed 14 separate credit card payments. And not one of them left a tip.

Ayia Napa and Protaras in the southeast of Cyprus are for those whose holidays are all about sun, sand and sea. At the other end of the island Paphos, the ancient capital, is more for visitors who like to mix sizzling on the beach with sizing up the sights. With so much to see in and around these popular resorts and farther afield, take an extra memory card for your camera as you’ll be clicking away like a pair of loose-fitting dentures.

Paphos’s archaeological park, full of the remains of Roman villas, fortresses and an intact amphitheatre, is a must-see (€3.40 entrance), but allow yourself three or four hours to get the most from your visit. It’s wise to go early to avoid the sometimes slow-moving queues that form to see the fabulous, 1,600-year-old mosaics in the Houses of Dionysos, Theseus and Aion depicting scenes mainly from Greek mythology. The nearby and equally vast Tombs of the Kings (€1.70) is an ancient Greek burial site dating from the third century BC, though the name is misleading as no royal personages were interred there. Rather, the tombs carved from solid rock were the resting places of around 100 moneyed merchants and aristocrats, but they’re so regally impressive that the name has stuck.

ROMAN-TIC: Mosaic in Paphos's Archaeological Park

TOMB WITH A VIEW: Tombs of the Kings in Paphos

Both of these World Heritage Sites are on the route of the open-topped tour bus (€12.50), but as neither allows vehicles inside they’re just stops and pick-up points along the way. If you opt to stay on board and simply sun yourself on the upper deck you’ll miss savouring centuries of history, but at least the taped commentary will point out the fire station, police HQ and Debenhams department store. Thrilling stuff. It’s better to stroll to the archaeological park, at the castle end of the esplanade, and if you want to see the Tombs, the 615 local bus (€2 return) will leave you at the entrance, but be very careful when crossing the busy main road to the bus stop for the trip back into town. If one spot in Cyprus is in urgent need of a light-controlled pedestrian crossing, it’s this one.

Paphos is an ideal base for excursions, and especially good are those offered by Andreas Coaches (call 00357 99602200), with hotel and villa pick-up and drop-off. Among the tours to choose from are Famagusta in the Turkish-occupied north of the island (€30, every Saturday, bring your passport); the capital, Nicosia, from where the Cyprus jury unfailingly awards Greece the maximum 12 points during the annual Eurovision Song Contest (€20, Friday); and Limassol (€20, Friday). We joined the Troodos Mountains trip (€20, Monday and Thursday) that takes in the wine-producing village of Omodos with free tastings, Mount Olympus for sweeping views of Turkish-occupied Northern Cyprus (the Turks invaded in 1974) from the island’s highest vantage point, Kykkos Monastery and the tomb and giant statue of former president Archbishop Makarios. The journey was a bit scary at times as driver George negotiated hairpin bends overlooking 1,000-foot drops like those in India in Ice Road Truckers: Deadliest Roads, but we were in safe hands.

Kalliopi Travel & Tours (00357 26818534, www.kalliopitravel.com) also offers a wide selection of day excursions, including a Jeep safari, and organises boat trips and scuba diving, so there’s no excuse for not getting out and about and exploring all that this divided but delightful island has to offer.

PEAK-A-BOO: Village of Omodos, Troodos Mountains

Airports are great places for people-watching and eavesdropping, and Larnaca was no exception as we killed time waiting for our flight home. While mooching around in duty free, I spotted a remarkably sunburned man from Northern Ireland filling his arms with cartons of cheap cigarettes, much to the dismay of his teenaged daughter.

“Ach, Daddy!” she complained. “You said you were giving up the fags.”

“Listen, love,” said her father, “at these prices you’d be mad not to smoke.”

CYPRUS TRAVEL FILE

FROM DUBLIN: Thomas Cook Holidays Ireland operates weekly flights from May 27 to October 14, with 7 and 14-night package holidays and flight-only deals available. Choose from more than a dozen properties offering self-catering, B&B, half-board and all-inclusive in Ayia Napa, Protaras, Penera and Paphos. Packages start from €569 per person sharing based on 7 nights at the 3-star-plus Rising Star Apartments in Protaras. See www.thomascook.ie or call 01 514 0328.

FROM BELFAST: Thomas Cook Holidays with Style offers 7 nights all-inclusive from £835pps in a Junior Suite at the 4-star Olympic Lagoon, Ayia Napa, departing May 2. See www.thomascookstyle.com Thomas Cook Families has 7 nights self-catering from £1,696 for 2 adults and 2 children at the 4-star Marlita Beach, Protaras, departing May 2. See www.thomascook.com Airtours offers 7 nights s/c from £494pps at the 3-star Vangelis, Protaras, departing May 2. See www.airtours.co.uk
FLY: See www.flythomascook.com for dates and prices of seasonal flight-only deals from Dublin and Belfast.

STAY: For independent travellers booking their own accommodation, the Grecian Park Hotel, Ayia Napa/Protaras (www.grecianpark.com) and the Avanti Hotel, Paphos (www.avantihotel.com).

EAT: In Protaras, Restaurant Pirki (see above) for kleftiko, rabbit and moussaka. In Paphos, Restaurant Ta Mttavia and 7 St. George’s Tavern for traditional meze (umpteen small dishes of different meats or fish served hot and cold, savoury and spicy, with salads, breads, cheeses and yoghurt, for a minimum of two persons), The Seagull and Theo’s for seafood, The Pelican for grilled sardines, Hondros for kleftiko, Chloe’s for Chinese, Gold Sakura for Japanese. The Pinguino Cafe-Restaurant deserves special mention for going out of its way to provide a selection of gluten-free dishes (it also serves the best cocktails and ice cream in town).

MORE INFO: See www.visitcyprus.com

THUMBTHING SPECIAL: Sardine lunch at the Pelican

Read More

ORLANDO DOLPHIN IS SPITTING IMAGE OF FLIPPER

LIP SERVICE: I get a kiss from Discovery Cove's rude dolphin Akai

It’s well-known that elephants never forget, but no creature has a longer memory than Akai the dolphin. Two years ago when I got into the water with him in Orlando’s Discovery Cove, he spat in my eye and then had the cheek to chuckle. When I went back this summer I was prepared to let bygones be bygones, but what did he do? Spat in my eye — after a mouthful of smelly sardines — and chuckled again. If a cork had come bobbing by I’d have bunged it in his breathing hole.

Swimming with dolphins is just one of the thrill-filled experiences that make Orlando the complete holiday destination. A bit more daring is hitching a lift in a hang glider, sky diving without a parachute, kayaking in a creek that’s home to alligators and viewing fireworks from above in a light aircraft, but the main attractions that enticed 51.5 million visitors in 2010 are year-round sunshine and theme parks. Oh, and 12 mammoth shopping malls and outlet centres where you can buy a big suitcase and fill it with the latest designer gear for half the price it would cost at home, so don’t arrive in Orlando weighed down with luggage. And don’t go out pubbing or clubbing at night without your passport as many establishments won’t let you in without ID, no matter how over-21 you are or look.

Even if you are turned away, it will be done with such charm that you’ll feel bad for having put the doorman to so much trouble. That’s typical of everyone who earns their livelihood from the hospitality sector — there are no Basil Fawltys in the world’s number one choice for family fun. Hotel, restaurant, bar, club and attractions staff comport themselves like graduates of the finest finishing schools, unlike some waiters and barmen I’ve met on my travels who’d be considered too nasty for the toughest reform schools.

Orlando has 450 hotels with 114,000 guests rooms, 5,000 restaurants, 176 golf courses (Tiger Woods, Arnold Palmer and Ernie Ells live there), seven of the most popular theme parks in the world and a climate to fry for — the daily high from October to May is 27C/81F, and from June to September it hits 32C/90F. The 800,000 seniors from colder northern states and Canada who descend on Orlando for the winter know a good thing when they see it — who needs to endure four feet of snow when you can enjoy four months of sunshine?

VIEWTIFUL: View from my room at the JW Marriott

The tourism authority (www.visitorlando.com) reckons it would take 67 days to properly visit all the parks and more than 100 other attractions, and nearly five years to eat in all the restaurants if you went to three a day, but if you’re there for only a week there’s still an awful lot you can pack in without feeling you’re on a whirlwind tour. Talking of whirlwinds, when I was last there the tail end of a hurricane dumped several lakes’ worth of rain in one day, flipped a couple of Cessnas on to their backs at the airport and bent palm trees so much that their tops were whipping the ground. August through October is the height of the hurricane season, but it’s rare for Orlando to suffer any great damage, though your pride might be dented if you have to walk around the Walt Disney World Resort in a dripping wet Pluto plastic poncho.

BROLLY GOOD SHOW: Tom and pals at Disney's Magic Kingdom

A few grey days aside, the sky is usually a beautiful holiday brochure blue, like all those swimming pools that can be seen dotting the landscape as your plane descends. But where’s the beach? It’s remarkable how many first-time visitors think Orlando’s by the seaside. It’s not: it’s 40 miles inland from the Atlantic and 60 miles from the Gulf of Mexico, which greatly weakens the hurricanes that cause such havoc in coastal communities. It also means there’s no chance of being eaten by a shark — the worst that can happen is a dolphin might spit in your eye, but that’s a small price to pay for being in holiday heaven.

There is a sandy beach, albeit man-made, at Discovery Cove (www.discoverycove.com) where you can spend the day sunbathing, swimming with rays and colourful tropical fish, whizzing down water chutes, riding an inflatable tube around the Wind-Away River and interacting with Akai and his bottlenose buddies. Being an all-inclusive resort — daily visitor numbers are limited to around 1,000 so it never feels crowded — the entrance fee covers breakfast, lunch, snacks, drinks, smoothies and ice cream throughout the day, wetsuits and vests, snorkels and masks and activities depending on your chosen package. Whichever price plan you opt for, be sure to include the up-close-and-personal dolphin encounter or you’ll be denying yourself the thrill of a lifetime. It isn’t cheap, but it’s an experience you’ll cherish and be talking about for years.

THRALL ABOARD: Magical Hogwarts Express in the Wizarding World

The most talked-about attraction of all, when you get your breath back, is the gasp-inducing Wizarding World of Harry Potter at the Universal Orlando Resort, and the most exciting ride on Earth is the Forbidden Journey deep within Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (I say exciting as opposed to scary — I’ll come to the theme park rollercoasters soon). Visit the animated website (www.universalorlando.com/harrypotter) and within seconds you’ll be itching to visit the real thing, where you step through an archway to be greeted by the conductor of the Hogwarts Express, probably the most photographed guy in Orlando after Mickey Mouse. And there it is behind him, a full-scale replica of engine 5972 that pulls the train between platform 9¾ at London King’s Cross and Hogsmeade.

The moment you set eyes on that red and black steam locomotive, the snow-capped shops just beyond and the towering turrets of Hogwarts Castle in the distance, you’re transported into the magical world of JK Rowling’s seven books that have sold 450 million copies and the eight movies that have taken $7 billion at the worldwide box office.

All the shops are open for business and do a roaring trade, which is inevitable given the huge numbers of visitors each day and all day. Fans can’t get enough of the merchandise on sale in Zonko’s joke shop, Honeydukes sweet shop, Ollivanders wands, Dervish and Banges for Quidditch gear and Hogwarts uniforms and scarves and Filch’s Emporium of Confiscated Goods where every imaginable type of Potter memento has spellbound Muggles spending money hand over fist. The magic words in the Wizarding World aren’t “Hey Presto!”, they’re “Cash or card?”, but you don’t save for a holiday in Orlando only to scrimp when you get there.

ONE CLASS ACT: Hogwarts Castle at Universal

Stocking up on souvenirs (do it on the way out to avoid carrying bags around) is hungry and thirsty work, so drop into the Three Broomsticks for some fish and chips, shepherd’s pie or mini Cornish pasties washed down with non-alcoholic butterbeer or pumpkin juice, or a more potent potion from the Hog’s Head pub through the back where dead-on-their-feet dads seek a sanity-saving break from shopping and gawping. You’ll either love or loathe butterbeer, a caramel-coloured sugar-rush that tastes of butterscotch and shortbread and comes in liquid and slushy varieties, but go easy with the latter — too big a gulp and you’ll get brain freeze.

If you’re prone to seasickness, eat and drink after your five-minute Forbidden Journey ride. It’s not a rollercoaster, it’s what’s called a dark ride robocoaster where the seats, or “enchanted benches”, are held above the track by a robotic arm. There are no loop-the-loops or high-speed corkscrew manoeuvres, nothing upside down and no face-contorting G-forces to contend with; however, this amazing mix of audio animatronics and wrap-around projection screens does involve unexpected drops, spins, twists and backward tipping and reaches 23mph/37kph as riders fly through a Floo Network following Harry and Ron Weasley on their broomsticks into the action of a Quidditch match. There are also close encounters with a fire-breathing dragon, a venom-spitting acromantula, a flailing Whomping Willow, Dementors and collapsing cliffs, with accompanying dramatic music and sound effects plus the screams of riders.

Be aware, though, that unless you join the Forbidden Journey queue before 9am or after 5pm, you’re in for a lengthy wait — upwards of 2½ hours at peak times — before your backside touches one of those enchanted benches, but believe me, it’s worth it. Just make sure you have plenty of water with you or you’ll faint before you get the chance to fly.

HIGH GUYS: Try a hang-gliding adventure at the Wallaby Ranch

I was flying — and silently praying — when I went tandem hang-gliding at Wallaby Ranch (www.wallabyranch.com) after being towed along the ground and 2,000 feet into the air by a guy piloting what appeared to be a propeller-powered bedstead masquerading as a plane. The knuckles of a corpse in the advanced stages of rigor mortis couldn’t have been tighter than mine as I clung to the forward crossbar for dear life, especially when the towrope was released. But then, as the hang-glider wobbled a bit and steadied, all was peaceful and calm and silent, except for the whoosh of the wind in my ears as we rode the thermals, soaring and swooping, and I relaxed my grip and enjoyed the views. For 10 minutes we rose and fell, dipped and dived, and then I got to wondering — how the hell do we get down from here? But I needn’t have worried. When the wheels on the hang-glider tickled the ground after a gentle descent, it was like landing in a field coated with marshmallows.

In stark contrast to my airborne adventure, kayaking in Shingle Creek (www.grandelakes.com/Eco-Tours-115.html), a three-minute golf buggy ride from the JW Marriott Grande Lakes Hotel where I stayed on both my visits to Orlando, was two hours of head-cleansing tranquillity. Until, that is, expedition leader, scientist and wise guy Carlos pointed to the riverbank a few feet from me and casually remarked: “Oh, look, there’s an alligator.” Never has a kayak been paddled in such a panic or so quickly. I went skimming across the surface of that creek faster than a torpedo with my arms going like a windmill in a gale and Carlos laughing his head off — the man-eater I’d imagined turned out to be a two-foot long baby. That’s all very well, but two-foot long babies have 13-foot long mothers which weigh up to 800 pounds, and I wasn’t going to hang around for an introduction. Scaredy-cat moment aside, being up the creek with a paddle and under the safe supervision of Carlos was probably the most carefree and relaxing way of spending a morning before setting out for a day in the theme parks.

PADDLE DO NICELY: Kayaking in peaceful Shingle Creek

Universal Orlando Resort’s Islands of Adventure (www.universalorlando.com) is home to the Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit, a rollercoaster with speakers in the headrests that let you listen to a soundtrack of your choice as you shoot around the track at 65mph. At 17 storeys high this is Orlando’s tallest coaster. It includes a 167-foot vertical lift and is very scary indeed — the last time I saw so many people blessing themselves I was in Saint Peter’s Square.

The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man, in which riders follow Spidey as he chases a gang who’ve stolen the Statue of Liberty, is widely regarded as setting the standard in 3D filmed images. The simulated 400-foot freefall leaves faces white with fright.

Jump aboard the hilarious Simpsons Ride and enjoy a simulated rollercoaster tour of Springfield and Krustyland projected in quadruple high definition on an 80-foot diameter dome. As you might expect, Krusty the Clown’s budget for maintaining his creaking attractions is non-existent, so riders are in for a destructive journey in the company of Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie and many other favourite characters.

The Incredible Hulk Coaster takes off with the same force as a Top Gun fighter jet leaving an aircraft carrier, going from 0 to 40mph in just two seconds and reaching 67mph as it careers through loops and bends for 2¼ terrifying minutes. Not for the faint-hearted.

If a go on the Incredible Hulk hasn’t dampened your appetite for thrills and spills, the Jurassic Park River Adventure’s 85-foot plunge — like going over the Niagara Falls — will leave you drenched, but after 10 minutes of walking around in the sunshine your clothes will be dry again.

WATER YOU WAITING FOR: Thrilling Jurassic Park River Adventure

From getting a ducking we move on to diving, or rather floating, in a vertical wind tunnel at iFly Orlando (www.iflyorlando.com), which is a must-do experience. There’s no need to pull on a parachute and jump from a plane, just lean forward and you’ll be riding a column of air from giant fans beneath the grille in the floor. You’ll be up and down like a fiddler’s elbow to start with, but once you get the hang of it with the help of an instructor, indoor skydiving is easy-peasy. Unless, that is, you’re like me. I did more falling than flying, which resulted in some pretty spectacular handstands, but at least the kids watching through the glass walls got a laugh. It’s best to make a reservation as this is so popular that turning up on spec might result in a long wait or disappointment.

Another air-raising experience I’d recommend is seeing fireworks from above — well above and out of range — or getting a daytime bird’s eye view of the theme parks from a light aircraft with Mauiva Air Tours (www.mauivaairtours.com). I took the nightly fireworks flight out of Kissimmee airport with baby-faced pilot Blake Taylor who on landing said I was the quietest passenger he’d ever had. He’d been chatting away for 30 minutes, pointing out all the illuminated landmarks, and wondered why I hadn’t responded. When I told him I hadn’t heard a word, he realised he hadn’t switched my headphones on, but I’m sure it was a fascinating commentary.

AIR WE GO: Sign up for indoor skydiving at iFly Orlando, a must-do

One of the major highlights of a holiday in Orlando is seeing the performing killer whales during a day out at the out-of-this-world SeaWorld (www.seaworldparks.com). The Shamu Show, One Ocean has adults and children alike whooping with delight, especially when those sitting closest to the pool get a soaking when these black and white giants of the sea send a tidal wave of water over them. However, as mentioned above, the heat of the sun ensures that those who get drenched are dry again before they know it.

Apart from being a venue for fabulous family entertainment, SeaWorld is a world leader in the conservation of endangered marine creatures, especially the curious, unimaginably slow-moving manatee which at first sight appears to be part walrus, part lava lamp and is native to Florida’s sub-tropical waters, the Caribbean, the Gulf of Mexico, the Amazon Basin and West Africa. Looking at it in its SeaWorld pond where no one can harm it, it’s a big blob of blubber that only a mother manatee could love. However, in the wild these placid animals which feed for up to eight hours a day and rest for up to 12 have been hunted for their meat and had their habitats destroyed.

WHALE OF A TIME: Fabulous Shamu Show, One World at SeaWorld

Cinderella’s Castle is the dreamy, iconic image imprinted on everyone’s mind when the Walt Disney World Magic Kingdom Park (http://www.disneyworld.disney.go.com/) is mentioned. This fairytale fortress surrounded by a sparkling moat has children staring in wide-eyed wonder at its soaring turrets and spires, and who knows what medieval adventures involving jousting knights and beautiful princesses fill their little heads?

Fans of TV talent shows will love American Idol Experience and, with a bit of luck, could take the first steps towards a glittering music career by stepping on stage and impressing the judges in front of a supportive audience of fellow holidaymakers who get to vote for their favourite acts. Continuing the music theme, the 60mph indoor Rock ’n’ Rollercoaster with blaring hits from Aerosmith as you shoot around the track in a stylised stretch limo is one of the best rides in Orlando and for many the highlight of a visit to Disney Hollywood Studios. Here also you’d be mad to miss a go on the frightening freight elevator in the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, which rises to the 13th floor before falling down the shaft, rising again and, without warning, plunging once more — real heart-in-mouth stuff.

The Disney highlight for me, though, was a tour of the 500-acre Animal Kingdom Park which is home to 1,700 animals from 250 species. Having never been on a real safari, this was the next best thing, being driven around in an open-sided truck while viewing giraffes, hippos, elephants, lions and gorillas.

If you’re visiting Orlando with small children, Disney is unbeatable, but for teenagers and adults, Universal is the place to go. SeaWorld and Discovery Cove will be enjoyed by visitors of all ages.

HOUSE THAT: Give Kids the World's magical Gingerbread House

Every Thursday year-round is Christmas Day in Give Kids the World Village, because many of the small children and teenagers who spend a cost-free week in this 140-villa resort with their families have life-threatening illnesses that mean they may not live to see their next Christmas. Away from the fun and frolics of the parks, a morning’s voluntary stint serving breakfast there was a humbling, heart-rending and overwhelming experience. The story that moved me to tears was that of a five-year-old boy suffering from leukaemia whose dearest wish was to see his parents married in the village’s beautiful little chapel. The good people at GKTW who since 1986 have hosted 100,000 families from throughout the USA and 72 countries worldwide made it happen for him. A few days after watching his parents exchange their vows and with his dream realised, he passed away.

It costs $12 million a year to run the non-profit Give Kids the World and put smiles on the faces of dying children. If you’d like to volunteer a little of your holiday time while in Orlando or make a donation, see www.gktw.org.

WHAT’S NEW?

On October 15 the world’s biggest Legoland opens with more than 50 rides, shows and interactive attractions on a 150-acre site at Winter Haven, 45 minutes’ drive from Orlando. Highlights include Miniland USA with Lego models of Florida, Las Vegas, Washington DC and New York City, a factory tour where you can see how Lego bricks are made and rollercoasters. The park has unveiled a new online reservations programme allowing visitors to book tickets, accommodation and hire cars. See http://www.legoland.com/

FAMILY FUN: Aquazone Wave Racer at new Legoland

WHERE TO STAY

As I said, I’ve stayed twice at the family-friendly, 1,000-room JW Marriott Orlando Grande Lakes (www.grandelakes.com), and if I’m lucky enough to visit Orlando again and have the choice I wouldn’t bunk down anywhere else. It’s only 15 minutes from the airport and the main theme parks, so it’s the ideal base. Guests enjoy full use of the spa with 40 treatment rooms and fitness centre in the adjoining Ritz-Carlton Hotel, and there’s a Greg Norman-designed championship golf course next door. On-site lunch and dinner options include Italian restaurant Primo, the Citron brasserie, the Quench poolside bar and grill, a sushi bar, Cafe Bodega and a Starbucks, while in the Ritz-Carlton there’s the Vineyard Grill steakhouse, the acclaimed and classy Norman’s offering New World Cuisine and the Bleu poolside restaurant.

WHERE TO EAT

I was delighted to see the menu in Galician restaurant Ceviche (www.ceviche.com) in downtown Orlando featured many of my favourite Spanish dishes, so I tucked into squid, octopus, hake, patatas bravas and several other tasty treats like a man who hadn’t eaten for days. More than 100 hot and cold tapas are on offer, as well as paella and cazuelas. The champagne sangria is amazing.

The atmosphere in Crave (www.craveamerica.com), close to the Mall at Millennia, is chic yet casual, and the sushi has won a string of awards, as has the wine list. If you like steak you’ll love the grilled rib eye with Yukon mashed potatoes, tempura onions, blue cheese and red wine reduction.

Forget about cutlery, but grab a bib, in Bubba Gump Shrimp Co (www.bubbagump.com) in Universal Orlando’s CityWalk and get stuck in with your fingers. Mountains of baby back ribs and shrimp are the staples.

Amura (www.amura.com) operates three Japanese restaurants in Orlando, each as good as the others and all regular winners of best-this and best-that awards. There simply aren’t enough superlatives to describe how good the food is, so you’ll have to take my word that they’re all three-mendous.

Sweet Tomatoes (www.souplantation.com), at Lake Buena Vista and several other Orlando locations, is a grab-a-tray, help-yourself, all-you-can-eat restaurant chain where the locals go to fill up. It’s cheap and cheerful and, as our French friends might say, tray bien.

IT'S SPAN-TASTIC: Tapas heaven at Galician restaurant Ceviche

˜See www.visitorlando.com where you’ll find an itinerary-building tool offering holiday ideas and the facility to buy attraction tickets. See also www.americanholidays.com or call Dublin 01 673 3840, Cork 021 236 4636 or Belfast 02890 511840.

Read More